Nowadays, it is inevitable to see teenage violence cases on the news every week or even every day. The young generation, which may be inexperienced in this complicated world, is more prone to be affected than any other generations. Only ten years ago, people were still unaware of teenage computer gaming addiction which has caused a lot of them to suffer academically and mentally. It is therefore not amazing to see that many young people have more problems than adults.
Some people may argue that living in a comfortable world with modern facilities, internet connection as well as professional care, young people may have only a few problems. These really help some teenagers to feel better and in a more secure way. In fact, many of them take it for granted. They use computers to play game till addictions, use internet to chat hours on end. Most of the teenagers do not know how to look for professional help. A research showed that 90% of young people tend to solve problems by themselves, which they may regret in the future. Modern facilities may result in loss of social interactions and love of nature as many young people like to stay at home more to enjoy their comfortable rooms.
In addition, nowadays, parents are usually busier with works and often return home late to earn enough money to support the family, leaving their children along and exposed to many kinds of attacks. It is not strange to see families with both parents working out and returning home after 8p.m. every day. During that long period of time, young children are alone to decide what they can do without parental guidance. In facts, 60 out of 100 teenagers play excess computer games right after returning from school. This also creates a distance between family members day by day. Family members with both parents working out usually do not have anything to share and talk as the members with only one working parent do. Thus, problems and depressions are more likely to happen with those young people.
Also, there are many more factors that may potentially or directly affect young generation: fashion, trends, violence movie, computer games, online predators, pornography and many more, making them vulnerable. It is inevitable to interact with these problems that a modern life brings. However, many young people tend to be immersed in them than the adults do. At the end of the day, they are more affected. For example, a violence movie does not leave many impacts on adults as they may experienced or seen it in real life. Yet, for young people especially teenagers, it may create an strong impression of violence. Finally, they see that violence is a considerable way of solving problems. With the boom of internet connection, everything is easy to get, thus leaving young people prone to those predators.
Lastly, most young people are immature to cope with many problems evolving between adolescence and adulthood. They easily fall down or fail to escape from a simple trouble which may lead to many more if they cannot solve properly and maturely. There are many dead cases of pregnant teenagers, being afraid of social crisis, go to many abortion centres which did not have enough facilities and professions. Most of them cannot control themselves and are not responsible for their lives. They do thing without considering consequences most do not want to approach advices from more experienced people as they are scared of public. Hence, as problems evolve, they may face numerous troubles and soon be depressed.
In conclusion, young people are inexperienced and very prone to attacks to many factors from the outer environment. We must try our best to help young people overcome the problems they have although it it not easy and straight away. Moreover, young people should interact more to become mature physically and mentally.
2 comments:
"Nowadays, it is inevitable to see teenage violence cases on the news every week or even every day."
Nowadays, it is inevitable to see CASES of TEENAGE VIOLENCE on the news....
"The young generation, which may be inexperienced in this complicated world, is more prone to be affected than any other generations. "
-The INEXPERIENCED, YOUNGER generation is more prone to be affected.
-What is the younger generation affected by?
"Only ten years ago, people were still unaware of teenage computer gaming addiction which has caused a lot of them to suffer academically and mentally. It is therefore not amazing to see that many young people have more problems than adults."
-FALSE LOGICAL CONCLUSION!
Just because people are not aware 10 years ago that there would be a possibility of gaming addiction DOES NOT mean that young people have more problems than adults.
-The unawareness of problems such as gaming addiction can only be used as evidence to suggest that the younger generation faces DIFFERENT problems from their parents, but it is NOT EVIDENCE of young people having MORE problems
"These really help some teenagers to feel better and in a more secure way"
-These really help some teenagers FEEL BETTER AND HAVE A GREATER SENSE OF SECURITY.
"They use computers to play game till addictions, use internet to chat hours on end."
-Grammar: They use computers to play games UNTIL they become addicted, use THE internet to chat FOR hours on end"
"A research showed that 90% of young people tend to solve problems by themselves, which they may regret in the future."
-What research? Who conducted it?
-Why should they regret solving their own problems?
"Modern facilities may result in loss of social interactions and love of nature as many young people like to stay at home more to enjoy their comfortable rooms."
-How is this relevant to the question of them having MORE problems than adults?
"In addition, nowadays, parents are usually busier with works and often return home late to earn enough money to support the family, leaving their children along and exposed to many kinds of attacks."
-Grammar
leaving their children alone.
-What type of attacks?Vague.
"It is not strange to see families with both parents working out and returning home after 8p.m. every day."
-What do you mean by working out? Going to the gym?
"In facts, 60 out of 100 teenagers play excess computer games right after returning from school."
-GRammar
In fact- singular
-again where did you get your data from?
"This also creates a distance between family members day by day. Family members with both parents working out usually do not have anything to share and talk as the members with only one working parent do. Thus, problems and depressions are more likely to happen with those young people."
-But in this case, depression and distance between family affects the adults too, so you can't say that the young people suffer more as a result.
"However, many young people tend to be immersed in them than the adults do. At the end of the day, they are more affected. For example, a violence movie does not leave many impacts on adults as they may experienced or seen it in real life. Yet, for young people especially teenagers, it may create an strong impression of violence."
-GRammar
a VIOLENT movie does not leave AS MUCH IMPACT on adults as they may HAVE experienced such violence in real life
-False assumption! You assume that violent movies only affect young people and that adults are not affected by violent movies.
-Even if adults are less affected by violent movies, how does this show that young people have more problems than adults?
Again you never answer the question.
"Lastly, most young people are immature to cope with many problems evolving between adolescence and adulthood. They easily fall down or fail to escape from a simple trouble which may lead to many more if they cannot solve properly and maturely. There are many dead cases of pregnant teenagers, being afraid of social crisis, go to many abortion centres which did not have enough facilities and professions. Most of them cannot control themselves and are not responsible for their lives. They do thing without considering consequences most do not want to approach advices from more experienced people as they are scared of public. Hence, as problems evolve, they may face numerous troubles and soon be depressed."
-What are the sort of problems that you are talking about?
What are the 'things' that young people do without considering the consequences?
- You make a lot of general statements but what are the specific problems that young people face.
"
"In conclusion, young people are inexperienced and very prone to attacks to many factors from the outer environment. We must try our best to help young people overcome the problems they have although it it not easy and straight away. Moreover, young people should interact more to become mature physically and mentally."
-Your conclusion does not give any definitive viewpoint on your topic. In fact, your conlcusion has NOTHING to do with your topic.
In order to write well on your topic, you will need to:
1) Establish the number of concrete problems that young people have.
i.e. pressure from school, home work, etc; coping with puberty, etc.
2)You must then establish the type and number of problems that adults face:
i.e. work problems, family responsibility, etc.
3) Then you must show that the number of problems that young people face is more than adults.
That is the right way to answer this question.
IN your essay, you write about:
1) how the current generation is different from the past
2) how youth are easily influenced by the media
3) the problem of gaming addiction
While these points may be true,
all this are not related to each other and not related to your topic.
PLease re-write using the guidelines I have given and shorten it by about 150 words- be concise
Thanks for pointing out very clearly every mistakes that I had. I will re-write it as soon as possible and follow your guidelines. Actually, when I am writing this topic, I found it very hard to trigger ideas. Also, my logical conclusion is not very good. In fact, it is like a child I think after I read your comments. Ok. I will try my best to improve it. Thanks.
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